10 Character Flaws That can Derail People by Dr Tom Brunner

Good people can become great, but usually they don’t. Part of the problem is good people are often unaware of how close they are to becoming great. What do I mean? The termination of only a few traits/habits/preferences is often enough to move someone much closer to “greatness”. This can mean greatness overall or in terms of some specific sport or skill. Want proof? Think about three friends or colleagues you know very well, and with each person imagine they no longer exhibited three traits that you know people around them commonly agree are their most annoying personality “thorns”. Then, imagine those three people no longer had their three “personality thorns”. How much closer would those three be to being great instead of just being good or average? I am betting a LOT closer. * * * * * Sports psychologists often help athletes change only 1 or 2 thought or behavior patterns, and that brings greatness. Chew on this: A very small percentage of a person’s psychological makeup (say, 2% of their total set of personal traits/preferences/habits) can undermine the other 98% of their makeup that is healthy and positive. A trainload of healthy habits can be derailed by a few bad habits. Think about it: How many times have you said to yourself, “I really like X except they are so…” and ended your statement by naming one trait/habit/preference only? That ONE trait was a blockade to you forming a deeper, more trusting, longer term relationships with them. That ONE trait is also likely what I call a “derailer” – a major reason they are not promoted, are not a better parents, friends, etc. etc. * * * * * Look in the mirror. Do you recognize the value of insightfully managing your thorns? If not, you are likely derailed and you do not even know it. Studies have shown that even supposedly mature organizational leaders often fail to lead because they have personality thorns that they defensively protect, leading to truly catastrophic consequences. Personality derailers are not simply annoying traits, but often kill your ability to grow, relate, or at work be promoted or lead a team. Good news. We behavioral science experts are learning which personality thorns are particularly likely to derail someone. Advanced behavioral science assessment tools are providing 360 degree x-rays into personality and character for children, parents, athletes, and business people.

The following are 10 derailers that seem to not just irritate others, but stifle the personal and professional maturity process. Whatever age or role in life you are serving, take heed: * * * * * 1. Enviousness You are not truly happy for others success, and you work too hard to “keep up” with others on a material level.

2. Defensiveness Defensiveness toward being corrected or criticized. Generally hypersensitive people don’t mature, they just grow

3. Aloofness If you come off as cold/distant, you will not be trusted or influential.

4. Volatility Overly emotional people are attention hogs, and focus on themselves, not on the reality around them.

5. Eccentricity Eccentrics are funny in the moment, but when building a team may lack the ability tone down their eccentricity to build rapport. Deeper relationships are absent.

6. Entitlement You believe you deserve everything you want. A rampant epidemic attitude in our society.

7. Unreliable Character You are unpredictable, and not trusted or confided in.

8. Eagerness to Please You are more of a pleaser than an honest communicator. But your displeasure with things builds up and explodes at times.

9. Morally Scrupulous You find fault with even small misbehavior. No one meets every one of your rules. Your best friend is yourself.

10. Making Destructive Comments Needless sarcasm and cutting remarks erode any rapport you may have built up. Your relationships never “run deeper”.

This is not a complete list, and if you want to know what your derailers are, you or your child can undergo a 360 degree evaluation which comprehensively yet concisely assesses your personality. For more information you may want to check out the following credible books, which are as applicable to parents (who can cultivate a child away from these tendencies early on) as they are to business clients/athletes: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith (New York Times Bestseller) & Why CEO’s Fail, By David Dotlich & Peter Cairo Please feel free to forward this blog to anyone who might benefit. - See more at: http://www.doctorbrunner.com/10-character-flaws-that-can-derail-even-good-people/#sthash.vMFPHgVD.dpuf http://www.doctorbrunner.com/10-character-flaws-that-can-derail-even-good-people/

Four Healthy Habits for children's Screentime by Rebecca Dodds

If you can barely tear your child away from their tablet, here’s what you need to know about healthy screen time for kids Playing with a tablet, mobile phone or desktop computer can be beneficial for children’s learning and development (not to mention affording parents a break while the kids are occupied), but when is it too much? It can be hard for parents to tell. Here are some guidelines to help you and your children get the most out of screen time.

1. Work out how much screen time is right for your child “Screen time becomes worrying when it impinges on time that children would spend on other play activities that are important for development,” says Lucy Gill, director of apps and technology at Fundamentally Children. “Active, social and imaginative play are vital and it’s hard to get too much of these,” she explains. “Passive screen time, such as television, and more interactive, solitary screen time (playing with tablet games and apps) are fine and even potentially useful in small doses, but these should not encroach on active, social or imaginative play.” Lucy describes what Fundamentally Children calls a ‘balanced play diet’, which, like your child’s food diet, should contain a healthy balance of the different kinds of play. So, when should parents be concerned that their child’s play diet is out of balance? “If a child is spending plenty of time playing actively indoors or outdoors, interacting socially with parents, other adults and children, as well as in imaginative or creative play, then some screen time should not be a concern,” she says. “If children are becoming increasingly reluctant to do anything else and you’re struggling to interest them in playing outside or interacting socially, then decreasing their screen time would be a good step.” A more specific guideline for appropriate length of screen time could be based on your child’s age: “A rule of thumb is that children can, on average, concentrate for about five minutes per years of their life, so at three years old they can concentrate for about 15 minutes,” Lucy explains. “This concentration span is a good basis for the maximum length of a screen time session, as beyond it a child’s usage will become more passive and less developmentally useful.”

2. Make sure your child is getting the most out of their screen time Screen time does not have to be a passive, mindless activity. Children of all ages can benefit from developmental apps and games (sometimes without even realising they are learning!), so it’s important to choose the right content for your child. “We’ve seen children enjoy playing games that have learning or developmental benefits,” says Lucy. “Some are obviously educational yet still fun, and with others the children don’t even notice they are learning – they just see it as a great game. Clearly this is a win for everyone.” Lucy recommends doing some research and finding apps and games that are recommended for your child’s age group and which focus on developing skills that your child is interested in or which you are eager to encourage. 3. Enjoy screen time together “We strongly encourage parents to play apps alongside their children,” says Lucy. “We know parents are often grateful that screen time occupies their children while they get on with other things (as a mother myself, I know this!), but occasionally being with your child while they play allows the child to benefit even more from that time.” Some games suggest ways in which parents can encourage children to play which benefit them within the game or offline, and it’s good to take advantage of these opportunities to gain further benefits. “For example, if a child is playing a screen-based, dress-up or role playing game, encourage them to think more about the characters and roles they are taking on,” suggests Lucy. “At the end of screen time, help them to act out what they’ve seen on screen or engage in some other form of play inspired by whatever captured their interest. This is also a great way to transition away from the screen without a tantrum!”

4. Set consistent limits on screen time If your child is resistant when you say their screen time is over (and most are), it may take some time to establish your house rules regarding tablet or computer usage. “Children of all ages need to have their expectations clearly set,” Lucy advises. “Just as an adult would object if someone came in, with no warning, and swiped their mobile halfway through a text message or turned off the TV during their favourite show, so children will not respond well to screen time being ended unexpectedly.” Setting a time limit, making your child aware of it, warning them when they’re about to reach it and sticking to it consistently is what will help you succeed painlessly here. “There can, of course, be some leeway,” says Lucy, “such as allowing them to play to the end of the level or some other natural end point, but don’t let that turn into several more minutes of play.”

She also suggests using an alarm or the parental control limit feature available on some tablets (“Some children respond better to anyone but their parent heralding the end of play!”) and establishing clear consequences if they do not willingly end screen time. “You might be amazed at how quickly they will hand over the tablet if they know the alternative is that they don’t get to play again for a few days.” Lucy also stresses that it’s important to limit your own screen time around your kids: “Children really don’t respond well to hypocritical behaviour. Make time for your child when they finish their screen time – put away your own screens and agree on an activity to do afterwards in advance.” She also points out: “Making the transition more about what they do next than just putting the screen away will make it much easier.” Try to limit screen time close to your child’s bedtime, too – the blue light from tablet and mobile phone screens is known to interfere with sleep. Visit the Good App Guide on Fundamentally Children to find apps suitable for your child. And check out our collection of free phonics reading and spelling games here. Words: Rebecca Dodd